#357: The Other Half of the Story?

EXCERPT:
We already know the first half of the story.

For years now most parishes have had many more “sacramental” Catholics than “liturgical” Catholics. In other words, more people have been showing up for Baptisms, First Communion First Penance, Confirmations, and weddings than for weekend Masses…

We also know that in the last 5 to 10 years this has been changing, because in many places the raw numbers on sacraments have begun falling--and in some cases plummeting. This is especially true for Catholic weddings: we know that in many parishes the number of weddings annually is a fraction of past numbers.

What we do not know is the other half of the story: Why is this happening? What does this drop-off in weddings mean?
…

Earlier this month I traveled to Washington, DC and began to glimpse what might be the real story.

On a brilliant June Saturday my wife and I joined my younger brother, older sister, and their spouses, along with 65 others at Washington’s Saint Regis hotel for an elegant dinner in celebration of my nephew’s marriage. This was not a reception following a public ceremony; it was a standalone event.

As dinner started, my nephew and his wife rose to announce that on the previous Thursday afternoon they had signed their marriage papers in the chambers of a local judge, and expressed their pleasure that they could now celebrate with so many friends and family…

By all accounts, the dinner as such was a great success, yet for me this event triggered several personal reflections. I found myself reviewing our family’s history, compiling (first in a quick mental count and later in a more thorough written tally) a profile of the pattern to date of marriages in the next generation.

For me, the results are striking.

I have four siblings, my wife has five. Thus our two sets of parents produced 11 children. These two families combined have now produced 25 grandchildren.
To date, only 9 of those 25 grandchildren have married. Of these 9, only 4 have married in the Catholic Church (and only 1 of these was married, as used to be the norm, in the bride’s home parish). Of the rest, 3 weddings were non-Catholic (or nonsectarian) religious ceremonies. And 2 were civil events.

What strikes me here is the sudden and dramatic shift in marriage patterns taking place within a single generation. Consider the contrasts:

Of these grandchildren’s 11 parents (that is, my generation), 10 were married--9 of the 10 in church weddings. All 9 of these were at the bride’s home church, including three in Protestant churches (and one of these also included a Catholic priest officiating).

And while all 10 of these married parents were married by the age of 30, there are currently seven of their children who have reached their 30th year but are still unmarried. It is as though, in a single generation in a single family, marriage itself has been transformed.
…

Indeed, of the 11 sets of parents, only one set has children married in the Church. I dare say that such an abrupt rupture would have been unthinkable just 20 years ago.
…

I’ve noted before that the next generation is often quite content to live their lives without making place for the institution of the Catholic Church. In this instance, that means concretely building a life with marriage and family without recourse to the sacrament of Matrimony. While a previous generation may have opted for a church wedding merely to please parents, that motive seems gone. And the former “romance” of church weddings appears largely replaced by the romantic appeal of “destination” weddings.
…

Church now competes with a growing list of leisure options in a culture where there is less leisure time than 50 years ago. Falling marriage statistics may be an early warning sign of how badly we are competing.

If so, the pastoral challenge for us is not only massive but also urgent. If a sacrament so vital the Church’s future life can fall out of favor so fast, a tepid and tardy response simply will not do. Falling weddings numbers could soon produce falling Baptisms, First Communions, etc.

This is a challenge especially for our leadership. We need a clear consensus about the other half of the story, so we can imagine creative ways to respond, and then act before it is too late. Our leaders proclaim their commitment to family life—here is where they can show us they mean what they say.